From Pertinax to Elagabalus

Well, class, I wish I could say that we're almost done with our study of the Emperors of Rome, but we aren't.  Not even close.  There were 72 Roman Emperors (give or take, it depends on your criteria and whether or not you start your count with Julius) and we're only just now getting around to Emperor #20, a man named Pertinax...

Our last discussion ended with the assassination of Commodus in the year 192.  After the conspirators had done away with Commodus, they had to figure out who'd replace him, which was awkward because they hadn't given that part much thought.  Mostly they just wanted to get rid of Commodus.  But, eventually, they decided on one of Marcus Aurelius's former generals, a two-time consul named Pertinax.

PERTINAX January 193 - March 193

Pertinax made several critical mistakes, but the most damning was his attempt to restore military discipline.  Things had gotten pretty lax in the years following the death of Marcus Aurelius and Pertinax thought it'd be a good idea to return to the pre-Commodian days of yore.  After about three months of his disciplinarian ways, the Praetorian guard had enough.  300 of them went to the palace and cut Pertinax down.  Which led to...

DIDIUS JULIANUS  March 193 - June 193

Didius Julianus was a wealthy senator who showed up to the Praetorian camp during the frenzied aftermath of the assassination of Pertinax.  The soldiers were casting about for a replacement and Didius offered them a large "donation"  in return for the throne.  They accepted, and Didius was pronounced emperor.  His corruption, however, was considered too brazen and he proved to be wildly unpopular.  Roman generals in Syria, Pannonia (eastern Europe), and Britain heard that he was in a weak position and so they all declared themselves emperors.  Septimius Severus (the one in Pannonia) was closest to Rome and so he marched down, defeated the debauched, undisciplined Praetorian resistance, and had Didius Julianus executed.  Supposedly, Didius Julianus' last words were something like, "What did I do wrong?  Who did I ever kill?"

SEPTIMIUS SEVERUS  193 - 211

Septimius Severus was a Roman from a wealthy North African family descended from the Phoenicians (the people who settled Carthage and fought against Rome waaay back during the Punic Wars).  He consolidated his power by defeating the other two generals who'd declared themselves emperors; Albinus (the one in Britian) in 197 and Niger (the one in Syria) in 194.  Following that, Severus killed large numbers of people in Rome whom he feared were disloyal and then he set up a bunch of monuments for himself in the city.  Severus didn't spend much time in Rome, however, preferring instead to wage war against the Parthian empire and, later, in what is now Scottland.  During the Scottland campaign, he fell ill and died, but not before declaring that his sons (Geta and Caracalla) should rule Rome together.

GETA  February 211 - December 211

...but the problem with this was that his sons, Geta and Caracalla, hated each other.  Intensely.  And after Severus died, they stopped speaking to each other altogether.  At first, they did childish things like dividing the imperial palace and walling off access from one another (like two little boys sharing a bedroom).  But things took a turn for the worse when Caracalla set up a meeting mediated by their mother.  When Geta entered the room, Caracalla had the soldiers that he'd hidden in the room jump out of their hiding places and murder Geta.

CARACALLA  211 - 217

After he killed his brother, Caracalla killed another ten thousand or so people; people he thought were disloyal (just as his father had done).  But what he really wanted, apparently, was to be liked by all of the people he didn't kill.  So, in an attempt to make himself a Man Of The People, Caracalla hung out at the circus, granted citizenship to all non-slave inhabitants of the empire, and built lavish bath houses in the city of Rome.  In spite of all of this, he was not well liked.  During a visit to Alexandria, a large crowd of people said unkind words about the death of Geta and Caracalla responded by having them all massacred.  And so, having failed to win the love of the civilian population, he turned his attentions to the military.  He marched with them, increased their pay, and one day, while he was urinating, a soldier stabbed him to death.

Oh, and his name, Caracalla, is actually a nickname that describes the Gallic coat he was known for wearing.

MACRINUS  APRIL 217 - JUNE 218

Macrinus, a Praetorian prefect of North African descent implicated in the plot to assassinate Caracalla, was nevertheless chosen to be Caracalla's successor.  And he could hardly have been chosen at a worse time.  The Roman army was upset and unhappy (despite Caracalla's attempts to boost morale) and the king of Persia had assembled an impressive force and was marching on Roman territory.  Macrinus fought the Persians to a disappointing stalemate and ended hostilities by paying the Persian king 200 million sesterces (I don't know how much that is, but it sounds like a lot).  This made Macrinus look weak, and the fact that he did not pay the soldiers as well as Caracalla had paid them made him look like a target.

Caracalla's aunt told everyone that her adolescent nephew (one Varius Avitus Bassianus, or Elagabalus) was actually Caracalla's illegitimate son.  The soldiers declared the boy emperor and Macrinus was forced to quickly assemble an army of supporters in opposition.  Macrinus was defeated, he fled in disguise to Asia Minor, and was eventually caught and beheaded.  

ELAGABALUS  218 - 222

Elagabalus... he was an eccentric.  Varius Avitus Bassianus was his birth name, Marcus Aurelius Antoninus was his official imperial name, but he is best known to posterity as Elagabalus, the name of the Semitic mountain god (El-Gabal) he fanatically worshiped.  Along with Nero, Elagabalus is considered to be the most debauched emperor in the history of Rome, but if you take a look at the things he's accused of doing/practicing, most of it (with the possible exception of working as a prostitute) is considered acceptable by the standards of today's popular culture.  Post-Republican Rome is often thought of as hedonistic and morally lax, but they were (at least compared to us) actually rather prudish.  His cohort of advisers and lieutenants kept things together for a few years, but when Elagabalus' behavior became increasingly public, it became increasingly apparent that Rome needed a replacement.  After they found a suitable replacement emperor (his 11 year old cousin, Severus Alexander), Elagabalus was quickly killed, dragged through the city, and thrown in the Tiber River.

There you go, kids; only 46 more to go...