LXXXII (82?) Caesars

One of the things that stands out to me as I read about the history of Rome is the way Rome embraced its dark foundation stories.

Rome is founded on a fratricide, it is populated by outcasts from surrounding people groups, they get their wives by kidnapping young women from their neighbors... this is what they told themselves about themselves.  I guess it makes sense when you're in a nation that worships war and finds its glory in the strength of its armies.  But when you're in a nation that worships war and finds its glory in the strength of its armies yet wants desperately to think of itself as Christian, the candor of Rome is jarring.

I'm going to think on this some more...

But, in the meantime, I've written a book!

Get it?  Creektonius?  Suetonius?  And look at that font!  Hand crafted artisanal lettering!

Technically, it's more of a long poem than a proper book.  I drew up a list of all the emperors of Rome starting with Julius* and ending with Romulus Augustulus and I've given each one of them two lines of rhyming verse.  Here, I'll show you what I'm talking about:

Caesar, the tyrant, wreaked havoc in Gaul

And later was stabbed by the senators all 

Augustus laid marble to make Rome look grand

He laid the foundation on which she would stand 

 Tiberius Caesar was dark and morose

He spent his last days at Capri being gross

 Caligula followed, his reign full of scandal

His villainous actions were too much to handle

 How very unlikely that Claudius would reign

Folks largely assumed he was soft in the brain

Most people know Nero, that fiddling fiend

He caused lots of grief, suicide intervened

When Nero was finished, egad, what a mess!

Four men vied for power and caused much distress

 First up was Galba, a hardened old miser

Betrayed by supporters, he should have been wiser

 Next we have Otho, once Nero's good friend

He lasted three months till his violent end

 Vitellius the glutton, a wanton imbiber

Defeated, dismembered, and thrown in the Tiber

 Vespasian, the fourth guy, destroyed Judea

A capable leader, killed by diarrhea

 Favored son Titus, he'd torn down the Temple

Volcanoes, pandemics, his reign was not simple

 Domitian insisted that he was divine

His despotic nature led to his decline

...and on and on until you reach the last emperor, Romulus Augustulus.  I've also included the years of each ruler's reign and additional, supplemental illustrations. 

I put this book together so that I could remember the basics of who and what and when, and so that I can orient myself as to what was going on during a given period of time.  Like if I'm reading about Cyprian and I see that he was born in 200AD and died in 258AD I can take a look inside my book and see that he was born under Septimius Severus and died under Valerian, then I'll have some context for what was happening around him in the greater Roman Empire.

So, if this kind of thing interests you, you can pick up a copy here:

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/8489991-82-caesars

And look at that!  It's only $9.99 !!!!

Operators are standing by!

Cheers.

*technically, Augustus is the first emperor of Rome, but Suetonius included him in his "The 12 Caesars" so I put him on my list too.

...are you guys tired of all of this Rome-centric content yet?  Well, come back next week.  I'll try to come up with something Romeless.