Beginning of the Imperial Crisis

...be honest, class.  After that last lecture, how many of you went home and looked up the specifics of Elagabalus's deviant behavior?  *sigh*  I suppose I should be grateful that something finally piqued your interest, but what about the inherent drama of seeing tragically ambitious, deeply flawed characters grasp desperately after the illusion of power?  Isn't that compelling enough?

I guess no one gets excited until you sprinkle in some illicit sexual content.  I blame HBO.

Well, take out your text books and let's keep things going.  Our last lesson ended with the assassination of the thoroughly debauched Elagabalus, which was followed by the ascension of...

SEVERUS ALEXANDER 222 - 235

...the cousin of Elagabalus.  Severus Alexander was only about 11 years old when he was proclaimed emperor.  His mother surrounded him with conservative statesmen who offered advice and guidance, and the fact that Alexander was not Elagabalus automatically restored a degree of dignity to the office of emperor.  He lowered taxes, was tolerant of other religions, and, at the urging of his mother, he studied Christianity under the early Christian theologian Origen.  The Sassanids in Parthia, however, gave Alexander all he could handle.  The Sassanids were fundamentalist Zoroastrians and they believed that in overthrowing the Persian king and defying Rome they were fighting for the god of light (Ahura Mazda) against the god of darkness (Ahriman).  Alexander managed, at great cost, to halt the Sassanid advance just in time to head north and fight against encroaching Germanic tribes crossing the Rhine.  The Roman military was diminished after battling against the Sassanids, so, instead of fighting against the tribes, Alexander attempted to bribe them; a move that was seen as shameful by his soldiers.  Maximinus Thrax (an excellent soldier who'd been promoted by Alexander) led a mutiny against Alexander, ultimately attacking him in his tent and stabbing him to death.

The next 50 years or so following the assassination of Severus Alexander were tumultuous years, even by Roman standards.  There was the constant threat of foreign invaders, outbreaks of disease, civil wars, and severe economic depression.  Known historically as The Imperial Crisis or The Crisis of the Third Century, the instability wouldn't come to an end until the rise of Diocletian in 284.  But, in the meantime, let's turn our attentions back to...

MAXIMINUS THRAX 235 - April 238

Maximinus Thrax, a Thracian (hence the somewhat derogatory nickname "Thrax"), was a barbarian in the eyes of the Roman senate, despite the fact that Caracalla's earlier edict granted citizenship to all non-slave inhabitants of the Roman empire.  He is reported to have been a colossal human being; some ancient historians claim that he was over eight feet tall and wore his wife's bracelet as a thumb ring.  Thrax was a common soldier who was rising through the ranks when Severus Alexander granted him command of a legion.  After assassinating Alexander, Thrax killed many of Alexander's advisors, including Alexander's mother.  Thrax fought back the Germanic tribes, defended the border in Pannonia, fought Dacians, fought Sarmatians, and, when he heard that the Roman senate had withdrawn its support from him and given it instead to two co-emperors, he turned his army around and began heading towards Rome.

GORDIAN I April 238

...and his son, Gordian II, were officially co-emperors of the Roman Empire for a grand total of one month.  Gordian I was governor of the north African province (Tunisia, roughly) and when Maximinus Thrax's procurator taxed the people too much and was killed as a result, the locals insisted that Gordian be declared emperor.  Rome agreed, but Gordian only accepted the position on the condition that his son be declared his co-emperor.

GORDIAN II April 238

Gordian II had his co-emperorship ratified by the senate and, a few days later, Capelianus (governor of nearby Numidia and supporter of Maximinus Thrax) took a legion and marched on the Gordian emperors in Carthage.  The Gordians only commanded a small militia and, severely outnumbered and outclassed, the father and son co-emperors were killed and their brief reign (such as it was) came to an end.  Which leads us to...

PUPIENUS July 238

Maximinus Thrax was not happy to have been undeclared emperor and was making his way into Italy, with his army, to have words with the senate.  The senate declared Maximinus Thrax an enemy of the state and elected two men, Pupienus (a senator) and Balbinus (a former consul who was, apparently, on good terms with Caracalla), as co-emperors.  A local Gordian faction in Rome wanted a Gordian in the mix, so it was agreed that Gordian III (nephew of Gordian II) would also be added to the co-emperorship.  Pupienus was directed to lead an army against Maximinus Thrax, Balbinus was directed to keep order in Rome, and Gordian III was directed to sit tight (mostly because he was only 13 years old).    As Pupienus departed, Maximinus Thrax was stuck in northern Italy, conducting an unsuccessful seige against the city of Aquiela.  His soldiers were hungry and sick, so they killed Maximinus Thrax, stuck his head on the end of a pole, and sent it to Rome.

(...and I'm not sure how to pronounce the name Pupienus, but I'm pretty sure it sounds obscene when you say it out loud)

BALBINUS July 238

...he and Pupienus did not trust each other.  When Pupienus returned to Rome, the two men stayed in separate parts of the imperial palace and both men were paranoid.  Pupienus thought Balbinus was plotting against him and Balbinus thought Pupienus was plotting against him.  In fact, the Praetorian Guard resented Pupienus and Balbinus and was plotting against them both.  One day, as the two men were arguing, members of the Praetorian Guard surprised them both by storming in and cutting them to pieces.

GORDIAN III 238 - 244

The Praetorian Guard declared for Gordian III, probably because at thirteen years old he was hardly a threat to their position.  Gordian III was emperor, but affairs of state were largely dominated by senators and wealthy aristocrats.    Gordian's father-in-law took, Timesthius, took Gordian along as he gathered an army and finally pushed the Sassanids back across the Euphrates.  Timethius died during the campaign and the endeavor was taken over by a man named Marcus Julius Philipus (AKA, Philip the Arab), brother of a high ranking praetorian prefect.  Around this time, Gordian III died.  He was either killed in battle against the Sassanids or murdered by Philip, depending on which sources you read/believe.  Gordian III was well-liked by the Roman people and, against the wishes of Philip (the new emperor), he was declared to be a god after his death.

So that was good, right?  I mean, Maximinus was allegedly some kind of Charlemagne-sized giant!  Giants are cool, right?  There weren't any steamy sex scenes where everyone has perfect stomachs and lots of flickering candles, but there was plenty of intrigue and ambition; men vying for the throne... playing a "game of thrones", if you will...  No?  *sigh*  Maybe I'll find a way to work Emilia Clarke into the next lesson.  And maybe some dragons.

Class dismissed.