Creeking More In The ATL (with your host Nate Creekmore) Episode #44d

I'm not from Atlanta, but I live here, and (because I live here) people who don't live here ask me, "Creek, what's Atlanta really like?"  I don't know what Atlanta is really like, but if you'd like to know what it's like for me, I invite you to sit back and enjoy another episode of "CREEKING MORE IN THE ATL (with your host Nate Creekmore)"!!!

[the identities of almost everyone in this episode have been obscured... except for Taylor and Joe.  Sorry guys, I ran out of pixelization]

In the city of Atlanta, I have this friend.  We'll call him "Tate".

Tate is bad at hugging. 

 I don't know that he's ever had a hug that he didn't ruin by making it awkward or dangerous or, most likely, some combination of the two.  There was that one time when one of his best friends (a Chattanoogan ex-pat) was in town on leave from Australia...

And then there was that other time, at church, when a lady was baptized and so Tate lined up with all of the other congregants to welcome her into Jesus with a hug...

And then there's just about every date he's ever been on...

Tate is bad at all the different hugging variations.  He's bad at side hugs, bro hugs, close friend hugs, acquaintance hugs, I-really-like-this-girl-and-hopefully-this-hug-doesn't-suck-and-ruin-everything hugs... 

*sigh*

Tate is hopeless.  And I wouldn't say this to his face, but mostly it has to do with his elongated, emaciated-looking frame.  He's all bone and gristle with a little bit of cornmeal sprinkled in for coloring.  Tate looks like the illegitimate love child of Kevin Durant and Olive Oil.

So when people go to hug him (I don't think I've ever seen Tate initiate a hug...), they're likely to be stabbed or gouged by a protruding clavicle or elbow or face bone.

And the thing is, he's no better at handshakes.  He can do a normal, businessmanly handshake with no problem at all.  But nowadays, everyone is too cool to just do a normal handshake.  It's all fancy hand clasp snaps and fist bump explosions...

...and may God help you if you ever try to give Tate one of those handshakes that turns into a hug; you're putting your face right into the path of his scythe-like shoulder...

Look, I'm not saying he's some kind of monster like Frankenstein or Buster Bluth that needs to separate himself from wider society, but his lethally awkward hugs do him no favors as he attempts to make his way among the world of men...

So, unless you're willing to risk bodily injury or the awkwardness of a failed cool handshake, the best way to say "hi" is with a text.  Or maybe a letter.  At least until he receives proper training.

There you have it foks, another exciting episode of "Creeking More In The ATL (with your host Nate Creekmore)"!  Be sure and come back for the next installment.  Actually, Kevin Durant is several years younger than Tate.  So much for that theory.  And Olive Oil is just a cartoon character, so there's that too...